I swear I wasn't high
by R'Dajee Marr
Summary: ..when I wrote this. It was 3 am and I was trying to write something crazy. Something about romance happens. Contains language and sex, with a touch of blood.


As the sands of time and eternal Advil poured out of Stella the skunk's mouth, she realized she was in love with Rj. The way his ears and tail swayed in the wind. The way he so inconsiderately and defiantly stole food from the humans, Stella could literally see the anarchy symbol glowing on each of his butt cheeks. She had often fantasized about stabbing a knitting needle through both of his ears.  
But she could not be with him, not without ending her relationship with Tiger. But she couldn't just break off the relationship, no, for reasons disclosed in section 03605B of the instruction manual of your foot (I'm not allowed to say which one), she had to break off his connection with life.

Blahblahblah

Stella sucked harder, and harder, until the vein in his penis burst, and all the blood in Tiger's body went down her throat. It was the blowjob a vampire would've liked to give.  
Stella stood up and smiled at the sight of the cat's shriveled body. Now she could be with the masked one.  
The Skunk flowed through forest, searching for the one she hoped to call her lover, and "sniffer", when she was feeling dominant.  
Finally she came upon a Rubik's cube.  
"Mutha fuckin' tribbles! What has Kelsey Grammar done?!" she shouted in Hebrew. Stella picked up the cube, and after spraying some of her musk on it, threw it at a tree. After the Quantum Leap theme played, Rj sprung up out of the ground. But alas, Heather was sitting on his shoulders.  
Stella yelled something I couldn't understand because she said it too fast, then tackled Heather to the ground, causing Rj to fall as well. She would have spawned a double of her self to tackle Rj in a sexual way whilst she tackled Heather in a violent way, but that morning Stella had used all her phase action points on glaring at Keith Flint.  
Anyway, Stella used her powerful jaw to choke Heather, And that's all Rj has the attention span to watch. As Heather limped away in search of space fruit, Stella looked behind her and saw that the raccoon hadn't the attention span to get up. Stella smiled as she straddled and sat on Rj's chest.  
Rj's eyes became quite wide and metaphorical. He decided spewing lava out of his mouth would not be the most prudent course of action for saving baseball teams. Instead, his eyes pointed in opposite directions and he started laughing like a deformed pig on crack.  
Stella felt all warm and fuzzy inside, like she had just prevented her new found boy toy from buying bad stock. A great flatulent rumbling came from the earth as the Rj's scrotum began vibrating.  
As Ricky Carmichael sat in his office, he smiled and nodded in agreement that this had nothing to do with Pac-Man.  
Stella bent over, inserted her tongue into Rj's nostrils and began pleasuring him. The raccoon managed to resist the supermarket, but not the regular market. Fortunately there were not bolts, nails, or screws in his semen. Stella's gastric blend resembled that of something like a peacock inside a campfire.  
Suddenly Tom Perry realized he had signed onto the wrong record company. Rj stood up and went to join the others, the skunk still on his chest, licking the inside of his nose. But hey, it's not your fault it tasted kind of nice, right?  
As Rj stood before everyone, showing them his newfound trophy, he didn't know Heather had been kidnapped by Starfleet, and thusly turned into an apple turnover.  
"Well I'm sorry I'm not the Buddah of your dreams!" they all heard a housewife shout. "Was that man being sarcastic?" asked Hammy as Vern stroked his head for no apparent reason. Heather realized this was the great chance at re-friendship she had been waiting for.  
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!" Hammy whispered as the post-possum apple-turnover hopped toward them.  
"He abused me! She misused me! Starfleet fused me! Woe is me, right here!" thus spoke the turnover.  
"HEATHER, SHUT YO MUTHA FUCKIN' TRAP ASS MOUTH!" Ozzie asked. Then he felt embarrassed when he realized that was quite out of character.  
"Alas, I have been found out!" cried the character Wanda Sykes plays.  
As she and Rj hopped into the abyss of somewhat freedom, drone # 74.5000 realized how much being an adult sucks.  
"Somebody eat me!" cried Heather.

end transmission


End file.
